Longing for Comfort
by xIcyChanx
Summary: "She tried to hide her pain. She really did. But she had failed. Trisha felt the salty warmth of a single tear roll down her cheek followed by another and another, all landing upon the very spot her loved one had stood moments before his heartbreaking departure." Who will she lean on now? Angst/Hurt/Comfort


**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

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It had been four months. Four months since their father had left. Ed and Al had been counting. The young boys had bought a small notebook from the shop with their monthly allowance and decided to keep it a secret from their mother. In that notebook they wrote daily, at first a bunch of things they longed to do with their father, what he was missing out on and hopeful messages that always started with _"When you're back..." _With time, two full pages turned into one with the last sentence always being _"I hope you come back soon, Dad."_

One day, at the end of the message Ed scribbled down a question that he knew would remain unanswered,"_Will you come back, Dad?" _Al had scolded him, insisted that of course dad would be coming home sooner or later, and he had almost convinced him, but whenever Ed recalled his father's facial expression the day he walked out of the front door, a small part of him knew, he didn't want to admit it, but he knew, knew that he wasn't coming back. One glance at his mother at night confirmed it.

Trisha would wait until the boys were in bed so she could finally allow herself to discard that blissful mask she wore everyday for her children and permit herself to break and sob quietly until sleep took over. She tried to hide her pain. She really did. But she had failed. Every night Ed and Al would silently listen to her heart wrenching sobs she tried so hard to keep inside, the older holding the little brother in a tight grip outside of her bedroom while he wept in his arms. Ed refused to cry, not in front of his remaining family anyway. And so, he tried his best to feel angry at his father instead of being sad, but what annoyed him the most was that he was able to fool everyone around him, everyone but himself.

So one night, after he made sure his little brother was asleep, the five year old buried his face in his pillow and cried, his silent sobs being gone unheard to the rest of the world during the dark, haunting night. After a few painful minutes, the door opened slightly and he lifted his head wearily to stare at the figure that had entered the room. Trisha silently walked towards him, and without even questioning his tears, she gave him a sad, sympathetic smile and sat on his bed, pulling him into a tight hug.

She knew. And Ed just had to wonder how she could possibly figure it out when he kept his emotions at bay and led others to believe he was happy and aloof. But this was mum, he reminded himself, that's why she knew. She could see right through him and his facade just like he could see straight through hers. The five year old sobbed quietly in his mother's embrace as she gently stroked his hair and rocked back and forth, "It's going to be ok," was all she was saying, over and over again like a mantra.

Ed knew right away that her words were not only comforting him, but her as well.

Once Ed's crying subsided, he heard his mother whisper, "Go to sleep now dear, he'll come back, I'm sure," her voice was shaking, as if she was desperately fighting a break down but those words soothed the young boy all the same. Ed leaned back on his bed and with his mother's words in mind, fell asleep before he could notice the fresh, warm tears that had started flowing down her cheeks.

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Two months had come and gone so fast Ed was left with a blurred memory of everything that had transpired. The days went by without a letter or a phone call but the boys continued writing in the notebook they had bought, and would make sure he got it, wherever he was. The three residents of the house continued their everyday lives all the same, keeping up their cheerful acts and never letting anyone know just how much the family was suffering.

One night meant an eternity to Trisha. She cried and cried and wondered if someday she wouldn't have anymore tears to shed. Sometimes she felt the inclination to scream, for sobbing silently every night wasn't serving as a comfort at all, but she always reminded herself that for her sons, she couldn't allow herself to weep like she wanted to. She kept this up for months, the same thoughts crossing her mind every night when the first silent sob escaped her lips. _Be silent, be quiet._ How long would she have to keep this up though? Every night the pain just became more unbearable. But she kept it in. For her sons.

The first night of the seventh month of his absence, she had put the boys in bed as she normally did and silently made her way to the kitchen only to freeze in front of the front door. She stared at it, thinking of how much bigger it seemed at night as memories of everything that had taken place seven months ago flooded her mind in an instant, her eyes filling with hot tears. She knew it was best for her to retreat in her bedroom like she always did in case one of the boys woke up but she found herself unable to tear her gaze away from the door. Her heart clenched as she desperately held back an anguished sob, her tears ready to fall and stain her cheeks any second. The pain was insufferable, she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't hold it in.

And so, Trisha fell on her knees and brought her hands to her face as she let out a loud and heart wrenching sob. She missed him; she couldn't for the life of her deny that. It was hard, very hard raising two little kids who longed for their father's hug, something that she couldn't provide them with. It was hard that she couldn't give a satisfying answer to their endless questions about him. She loved them, but it was hard, very hard.

"Mummy?" a small, gentle voice came from behind a wall near the stairs, making Trisha's eyes widen and wipe her tears away furiously. She couldn't afford to show them her huge weakness. They had to believe she was happy, that everything was going to be ok.

"W-what is it, Ed?" she asked, her voice a mere whisper in an attempt to hide the shaking in it as she forced the new tears away, "Why aren't you in bed, dear?"

Ed shrugged sleepily,"Heard you crying," he murmured sadly, his head hanging as he looked at his feet, making Trisha's heart break in two.

She forced a smile on her face, that task having become unhealthily easy by now, "Crying? I'm not crying!" she laughed, but could tell it sounded just as fake as it really was.

Ed frowned softly and patted his small feet on the floor as he made his way closer to her. He paused right in front of her and sighed, "You miss dad, don't you?" he asked, sounding more like a fact than a question.

Trisha sniffed, "I-I'm fine, Ed, go back to bed, dear," she said softly but Ed didn't move an inch. Instead he slowly wrapped his little chubby hands around his mother's neck, surprising her,"E-Ed?"

"It's ok to miss him you know," Ed muttered causing Trisha's eyes to fill with fresh, burning tears,"And it's ok to cry," he finished as he started stroking her chestnut hair as gently as a five year old could. Trisha gave in and wrapped her arms around Ed's little waist, buried her head in his tiny but strong chest, and felt the salty warmth of a single tear roll down her cheek followed by another and another, all landing upon the very spot her loved one had stood moments before his heartbreaking departure. She wept like she had never done before, loud and painful sobs erupted straight from her heart, her hands clenching Ed's small shirt even tighter in the process while her tears flowed like a waterfall. Her sadness and heart wrenching cries made the young boy's little heart ache, his golden eyes filling with tears in reflex, but he refused to let them fall; this was not about him now, it was about mum.

"It's going to be ok, mummy," he kept whispering to her, again and again, his voice shaking.

Ed had no idea how long they stayed like that after Trisha's crying finally subsided - silent, but he soon found his voice to speak, "When we cry, you're always there to hug us and tell us that it's going to be ok," he whispered and paused briefly as he pulled away to look at her with a sad smile, "And now that you're crying, we'll hug you and tell you the same. You can come and cry to us if you want to. There's no need to hide it."

Small footsteps were heard descending the stairs and soon Al appeared in the room with dry tears staining his chubby cheeks. Upon taking in the scene in front of him he gave a sad, weary smile and silently walked next to Ed and grasped his sleeve weakly.

"Because we love you, Mummy," Ed continued before sniffing slightly and brought his free sleeve to wipe his nose feebly.

Trisha stared at her boys, partly stunned and partly touched by her older son's words. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve to rid them from the tears. Ed and Al shared a look and then both wrapped their arms around their loving mother. Trisha smiled and followed their example by wrapping her own arms around their tiny bodies tightly. She surprisingly felt happy. Her heart only warming up with every small word her little boys murmured in her ear. She took a deep breath and smiled a genuine smile, reminding herself what it felt to do so because her heart desired it.

"Thank you," she breathed, the relief she was feeling evident in her quiet voice.

No more words were exchanged between them. And when the mother and sons fell asleep right there, tangled in each other's arms and breathing quietly, their lives had began to improve once again and they knew that everything was really going to be ok.

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**A/N**

**Don't even ask why or how. I have no idea. The idea just came to me while in class and since I was bored I decided to write it. I edited it A LOT at home of course but yeah...  
**

**Al wasn't supposed to be in this fic - I originally wanted it to be just an Ed and Trisha fic but then, when I was writing the last scene(which was the source of the idea to begin with) I felt bad for leaving little Alphonse out :c  
**


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